I made it!

Whew!! I made it through Christmas with only a few tears! I just tried really hard to put things out of my mind because I needed to play with my nieces and nephews and have fun! Luckily, we don't really have any babies in the family and I can't see any new babies coming anytime soon for anyone else, so that makes it easier. So I played Polly Pockets, monsters and made a fort. I am a cool aunt! :)
On Christmas Eve, I paid for the person in back of me at Tim Horton's. I've always wanted to do that and it felt so good to do! Even though I didn't get to see their faces, I hope it made their day! :)
What I haven't been so good at is eating right. My dh's mom sends all of the Christmas leftovers home with us and guess who has to have something EVERY TIME she goes into the kitchen, yeah that's right, me, Miss Piggy! I really have to get back on track so that I can at least kinda, sorta fit into my pants when I go back to work.
In other news, I joined a Fantasy Football League for the first time this year and was in the "Super Bowl" against my dh. I won! So fun! I think I even get a trophy!

Fertility news~ We had another BFN from IUI w/IVIG in November. Dr. Kwak in Chicago doesn't ever really have anything to say when we have a failed cycle, so that's a bit annoying. If I contact them, they'll say that she'll let me know if there needs to be changes once I cycle again. But why do you think this cycle didn't work?
My younger sister said that she would donate some of her eggs to me, which I thought was a great idea, but they may be too similar to mine and we could have the same problems.
I met with my doctor and he's willing to try donor, although he won't actually perform the IVF, because he doesn't believe in it for religious reasons, but he said that he will personally talk to the other doctors and see what he can do about cost. He still really wants me to consider a surrogate, but we still have the same problem. I don't know anyone who would do it! I keep telling him that and every time I meet with him he asks how old my mother is. It's actually quite funny. She's almost 60! She would totally do it if she could though! :)
I also had a phone consult with the famous Dr. Schoolcraft from CO. I wasn't sure what to expect and to be honest, I was a little nervous, but we really liked him!
He said he didn't see any reason why I couldn't get pregnant with my own eggs and he'd like to try again. He also wants to do a test for the Beta-3 Integrin receptor. I guess if you don't have it, you may have problems with implantation. I've never heard of that, so we definitely want to check it out. He wants me to come for a 1-day workup. He also said that IVIG was hocus-pocus and of course, my dh agreed.
So now, here's the problem. I'd LOVE to go to Colorado and hope that they can work their magic. BUT I don't have $20- 30,000!
Do I go for the one day workup and at least see what they have to say? My mom says she'll pay for the airfare, but then what? Would it be better to just stay here and try my sister's eggs? I don't know how much that is, but I know it won't be $20,000...Should I just wait and try to save some money? I'm just not sure what to do and I wish I had a gut feeling about what to do! I'm just worried that if somehow we can find $ and do the CO thing, it won't work and then I won't be able to try anything else.

I really need to post more often. It feels good to write about my thoughts. Maybe that will help me make a decision!

:) Andrea

I'm still here!

It's been quite a while since I've actually posted, but I'm still here. I've just been super depressed and trying to get out of this funk I'm in! I think I thought FOR SURE that with IVF and IVIG it would work. When it didn't, I just couldn't understand why. Actually, I still don't.
After our last failed cycle in August, I met with my doctor and he basically told me that if I wanted to try again, he would, but he feels like he failed us and he doesn't know what else to do. He said again that I seriously need to consider a surrogate or adoption. (I get it. I know I need to consider those things. Actually I have considered them!) He went over our charts and said he honestly can't see why it's not working. He doesn't have many patients that don't have success after this many tries.
Anyway, he said that maybe I need to go see one of those doctors that "walk on water" in Denver or New Jersey. He gave me permission to get a 2nd opinion. I really feel like I needed that.
I left that meeting feeling so defeated and even worse than before and since then, I've just been down. Yes, it's a little better now, but I'm still not totally myself.
I've been going to see my counselor and she is trying to help me look at things in a more positive way. It is helping, but I don't know if anything can ever REALLY help.
I made an appt. for a phone consultation with Dr. Schoolcraft in Colorado. I can't afford him, I just want to hear what he has to say. I was happy that I just made the appt. That was a step.
I just started my cycle yesterday and am going to do another IUI with IVIG. My husband really wants to try more IUIs before anything else. I figure, why not? I don't think I can feel too much worse.

Oh, and I planted a potato, was given an elephant with the trunk up and removed everything but the dust from under my bed. You know, because we'll try on our own even when we're not going through treatments. :)

Off to get some mental help from my counselor.
Tomorrow is our Halloween party/parade at school. It will be crazy!

:) Andrea

Happy Birthday To Me

I feel crappy today. I've been dreading this day for awhile. I'm 34 today...that much closer to 35 and still without a child. My birthdays just remind me of what I still don't have and my wishes don't matter.

I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. I always feel bad when I'm such a downer, but right now, I can't help it.

Follow-Up Meeting

I scheduled it for the 24th. When they called yesterday to give me the "official" news, I didn't cry. I just felt numb. They said how sorry they were and that my numbers looked so good and they were surprised. I almost felt like I had to comfort them!
Anyways, they really couldn't get me in until the end of August, but I go back to school then and the beginning of the year is CRAZY. I thought that since it was this kind of call, they could work something out for me. And they did, so I'll see him next week.
It's frustrating because I know what I want to ask him, but at the same time, I don't really know what to ask him.
Maybe - Should we try different medications? I've only really taken Bravelle and Menopur.
Why haven't I ever really seen a positive in 6 yrs - besides 2 chemicals, but the numbers were so low, they were never even possibilities?
I need something different, but quite frankly, sometimes I get tired of having to suggest things. I want him to say, let's try this. It's always me wanting to try something. He'll do it, but that's not the point!
After this failure, I have honestly thought about switching REs, and this is probably going to sound terrible, but he is well known and has good stats AND because I've had so many failures, he gives me a really good IVF price. If I go to someone else, I can't continue for long. With him at least I know I have a few more tries financially.
I also need to speak with Dr. Kwak and find out what she thinks. Did I not take enough IVIG? Do I need more prednisone?
Is there a chance that this IVF was just in the 40 - 50% that just didn't work? Maybe nothing was really wrong, it just didn't take?
So many questions...Hoping to get some answers. So tired of all of this but not giving up. How can I?

7dp5dt and on...

Well, I didn't post every day like I hoped to. Oh well. I cramped pretty much every day and on 10 days past transfer I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad cramp down low that ended up in my lower back. Weird.
I had really bad back pain with this cycle, worst ever.
I also POASd quite a bit and saw many - signs, but not one +. I really thought this was our time, but it was not to be.
My doctor increased my prednisone and progesterone during the cycle, but apparently, it wasn't enough.

Will anything ever be enough?
Will I always feel this pain in my heart, this longing?
This is my life...wanting a child and trying to figure out how to get one. I thought IVIG was the trick. I guess not.
I could barely sit through church yesterday. Of course there was a baptism. Everyone was so happy and I was SO JEALOUS! And I do feel guilty about it.
And then there's the part of me that gets angry at God and just doesn't understand why.
I am a teacher and for the past 6 summers, I've tried to get pregnant. When everyone else tells what they've done or where they've gone, really, I don't have much to say because all I do is try to get pregnant. I want to be pregnant, don't get me wrong, I CAN'T GIVE UP, but I'm just so drained. So this was my 4th IVF and it failed. How many more do I do? Do I just keep doing them (until I have to file for bankruptcy) hoping that one will work? Why should one work when they never have before? I have never had anything more than a chemical pregnancy. Why? I pay these doctors all of this money, why can't they figure me out??

6dp5dt

Today was pretty much more of the same except I felt really out of it! This morning freaked me out a bit because I was using my Crinone and I put the little Estradiol on top hoping that I could get it in without using my finger, because well, I hate doing that. So I put it all up there, and of course the little blue pill stayed behind and didn't go where it should. So I put it back on top of the applicator and shoved it up there - 2 more times actually, and then when I pulled out the applicator, it had blood on it.
Now I have been feeling a little dry and sensitive there, so I e-mailed my doctor. Haven't heard anything yet, but of course I googled it and many women had discomfort from Crinone. Good to know!
I also got some news from Dr. K:

NK assay:
50:1     14.3     should be 15 or below
cd56    18.0     should be 12 or below

Th1/Th2 cytokines:
TNF     44.7     should be 30.6 or below
IFN      25.0     should be 20.5 or below

Thyroid testing normal, white count slightly elevated in you complete blood count.
Recommendations:
a. Increase prednisone to 10mgs twice daily
b. Pregnancy testing, progesterone and estradiol levels 10 days after transfer
c. IVIG with a positive pregnancy test

So I'm taking more prednisone and will have to have a pregnancy test sooner than my doctor was planning on it.

I'm not feeling overly confident. I'm trying, I really am. I have been told by my IF friends that I should POAS every day until the positive test, but I don't think I can do it. I am terrified to do it! Everytime I see a -, whether it's "too early" or not, I feel so defeated. I just can't do it. I know I could get a + and be so happy, but I can't yet. I am trying to believe that IVF + IVIG is my miracle and I hope it is.

:) Andrea

5dp5dt

All right, I survived another day! Really, things haven't changed much. I have:
~Cramps
~Backache
~Burping
~Feel warm, keep adjusting air conditioning

I am feeling like I've gained quite a bit of weight as well. I know that I do gain weight and get bloated with each cycle, but I really feel big today.
I have to take my PIO shots every other day and well, they really hurt! Luckily, we switch sides, but I'm sore every day. Not complaining, just saying.
I may write about how I'm feeling every day, not sure yet. I do know I go back and forth in my mind thinking that it either did or didn't work. I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. I want it to work so bad, but I know there's nothing I can do at this point. Except pray and I've been doing that!

:)Andrea

4dp5dt

Well, I tried to stay postive and I'm still trying, but these cramps are not cool! Cramps make me freak out. I know people say that they have them the whole 2ww and then they get a BFP, but then there are a lot of people who say they don't feel anything and get a BFP. So far, I have...
~Cramps
~Backache (but that could be from the bedrest)
~I feel warmer
~Burping

Okay, I have to go to the doctor and then try to stay very busy today!

:) Andrea

2ww

So I'm now in the 2ww. My IVF transfer was last Thursday. Of course I had a hard time getting my bladder full, (which is funny, because I feel like it's always full!), but luckily, they didn't have to fill it. I didn't even know they could fill it! She said it would hurt though and I didn't want to deal with it.
There was another couple in there who were mad about something and so they talked to my doctor for quite a while, which saved me, thank goodness! It was full enough, not like usual, where I can't wait to pee, but enough.
So then was the question, how many to transfer. I have had such a hard time with this. I just want the best chance for 1 and I don't want to be Octomom, but 2 just isn't good enough with all that I've been through. They retrieved 17 and 16 fertilized, but it's so interesting to see the chart and see what happens to the embryos. On Day 3, they were all still looking really good. On Day 5, when we were there, not so much. I had 7 that looked pretty good. So at first we decided on 3, then I talked with my husband and thought, maybe we should just put back 4. So of course I started crying and we called the doctor over. He said, "What do you want?" I said, "Just the best chance of having 1 baby." So he said, "Then we've got to put back 4."
So I did it. My biggest problem has always been with implantation, so here's where I pray that one snuggles in and gets cozy. I'm hoping the IVIG helps with that. I put myself on 3 days bedrest even though my doctor says it's not necessary. I want to keep everything calm and give them the best chance. I'm feeling good about it even though I've had AF-like cramps already. I'm hoping those are a good sign!
I won't need another IVIG until I get a + pregnancy test. Still working on getting help paying for that.
This is going to be a long 2ww. Hopefully I can keep myself busy and not freak out over everything my body is doing.

:) Andrea

First IVIG ~ DONE!

I had my first IVIG yesterday and let me tell you, I was super nervous. We drove to Chicago on Tuesday evening and stayed the night. My appt. was for 9:00 on Wednesday and the hotel we stayed in this time was less than 5 minutes away, so it was perfect. I didn't sleep well because I was thinking about the IVIG. Would it make me sick, would I have a reaction? (I had a reaction when I had a blood transfusion years ago and it was REALLY bad). They told me when I got there that I might have a headache and that a lot of people do, so I expected that.
I might have had a little headache while I was getting it, but other than that, NOTHING!! I was thrilled. (Of course then later, part of me thought, was it bad that I didn't have any effects? I just need to slap myself!)
I was tired for the rest of the day and I'm tired today, but I'm not sure if that is from the IVIG or the lack of sleep/car ride.
For those wondering what happens during IVIG, it is simple. They take your blood pressure, temp and check your pulse. Then, they hook up the IV, mine went in my hand, and you're good to go. They have really comfy chairs to sit in and they make you drink water, which helps so you don't get a headache. You can eat, read, do whatever you want really while getting the IVIG. They recommended bringing a blanket because it feels kind of cool while going in and many people get cold. (Their office is pretty cold too). I didn't need one, even though I brought it, but others I know have needed it. They also recommend a book or a DVD player, because you are sitting there for 2 hours. I brought magazines, but they have some there in case you don't. The time went by very quickly. Whew! SO happy that it went well.
I went in for an ultrasound afterward and my blood flow is better. It was a .63 last time (they like to see it below .6), so I am taking Lovenox, and now it is at a .5. Yay! She told me that it is important for me to come again after I get pregnant, because at that time, it should be a .45 or lower and they may have to adjust medication. She said if you don't, it's like having a plant and not watering it.

Oh my, I know this is a long post! My doctor decided to continue meds so I have more follicles! Yay! Still not a lot, but about 6. Better! I am feeling good right now. (Well my boobs are SUPER sore and I feel full, but other than that, I feel good.) I think trigger will be tonight and transfer on Saturday, but I might have one more day of stims. I'll find out later.

:) Andrea

Only 3 follicles?

I went in for my ultrasound this morning (Day 7 of stims) and was sad to see that I only have 3 follicles that are a good size. I have one that's 19, two 17s and the rest are 12 or lower. I have never responded like this before! I'm so upset considering that I'm getting IVIG this week for this cycle.
I've been googling IVF with 3 follicles like crazy trying to find success stories.
What if none of them fertilize?
Uhhh! What a day!

:( Andrea

Quote

IVF + IVIG It's go time, finally!

Finally, I started!!!!! We went on vacation last week, hoping to relax a little before this IVF. Yeah, right. I spotted a little early in the week and had really bad cramps. Then I started freaking out because usually if I spot at all, the full flow is coming that day. Since we were in FL and we drove, I thought I might have to fly back! So I worried about it for the rest of the trip and prayed that AF would stay away. It did, luckily, but then when I returned from vacation, it didn't start either. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but I took a test because, well, that always makes it come! It didn't work. Well, it's 3 days later and I finally start. So today is Day 1 of this IVF cycle with IVIG.
I did have a good vacation, but I'm such a worrier. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could just calm down, chill out. How do you do that? I've always been this way. My counselor used to tell me to get a massage. Well, a massage is like $60 and I would have to get one every day! Same with acupuncture. And with the cost of this IVIG, I can't afford ANYTHING!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully will figure out when I can go to Chicago to get the IVIG. We'll see.

:) Andrea

Okay, I'm going to do it

I met with my doctor today and for those who said I shouldn't have stuck with him for this long - you're wrong. He is a kind man who will try whatever we want and always tries to help. I told him that we wanted to try IVF and IVIG one time. That's about all we can do. IVF is expensive in itself and each time I get IVIG it will be over $2100. I've gained weight since we last checked, so it's probably closer to $2500. So I have to get IVIG during the conception cycle, once I get a positive pregnancy test and then possibly every 3 weeks after that. I keep thinking/praying about how we're going to pay for it, but I don't have an answer yet. I just know that it's summer and I have some time off. I need to try this now. I am anxious (by nature I think) and so I'm SUPER nervous, but it's now or never.

I'll be 34 in August. Time is ticking away. My doctor looked at me today and said, "So there's NO ONE that could be a surrogate?"
My answer was no. I don't have anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. It's me or no one.

So, he's having his nurse call me tomorrow. He said he'll do everything he can to give me a discounted rate so that I can put any extra money toward the IVIG, which I appreciate.

He also said that he has seen many more cycles with IVIG fail than succeed. He wasn't saying it to be negative, but honest. I appreciate his honesty, but I feel that we have to try it. I will regret it if I don't.

So finally, I asked how many embryos he'd be willing to transfer. He said it's up to us as long as we're aware of the risks. This summer marks our 6th year of trying. We're aware of the risks and quite frankly, I'm not too worried about it. I'm worried about a lot of things, but that is not one of them.

I'm excited, but very anxious. I'm really trying to be positive because I know that's what's best, but it's so hard. If you pray, please say a prayer for me. I could use all of the prayers I can get to help me through this.

:) Andrea

My Journey

That's the car I'm getting. I like to lease so we went looking today and the Journey was the best price. I always get GM cars, so this is a big change, but I like it! Hopefully, this infertility "journey" will be over soon and I can have a baby to put in the back of my new car! It's funny because whenever I get a new car, I get it thinking about our family. I've been driving a "family" type car for 6 years now, but when it happens, I'll be ready. I meet with my doctor in late June to see what's next. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot of your blogs and not getting overly emotional, which is good!

In other news, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary 2 days ago. :) And in other news, I only have 5 days left and then school's out for summer! Woo-hoo!

:) Andrea

Blogger keeps signing me out

It won't let me comment on posts. It just signs me out right when I try to go to my page. Weird!

Yay for 3 day Weekends!

It's funny how the kids know when there isn't much time left in the school year and they are just done. Only, they can't be because I have 16 days left and so much to do! So, it is a little crazy in first grade right now! It definitely keeps me busy and not thinking about infertility. Which is nice. I have an appointment in June to talk to my doctor about my latest failed cycle. We'll see what happens. For now, I'm okay and will enjoy this long weekend! :)

I don't really want to be invited to your shower

Having a bit of a rough day. I'm not sure what I want to feel with IUIs, but something, anything different. I will go in for the test on Wednesday, but I'm just not confident. Again, I don't really know what I would feel like if I was pregnant, but I just wish this time would be different somehow.

Back to the title of my post - There was a baby shower at work on Friday and I have 2 more next Saturday. I really hate baby showers. I've been super emotional lately and it's just really hard. I just keep thinking, what if I never have this? It's really hard for me to be happy for the mother-to-be and I feel bad about it, but that's how I feel.
I'll go because I feel obligated, but I don't wanna! :)

Andrea

Oh, yeah, I have this blog too!

I have been so busy with my teaching blog that I haven't posted on here for a while. It is so much fun to create units to sell or give away and take my mind off of infertility. Well, not totally, but at least I'm thinking about SOMETHING else.
Update: I'm in the middle of a cycle. Doing an IUI. Just started Lovenox and Ganirelix today. Does anyone else get a terrible headache from Ganirelex?
Trying to stay busy this cycle and my other blog helps.

BTW I was totally fascinated with the Royal Wedding. Kate was beautiful...Just like a fairy tale.

Feeling better today!

I'm definitely not as down today. I went to my support group on Friday, which always helps. My husband and I cried a lot together and then just decided to keep trying and even though the doctor wants us to move in different directions, we're not ready for that yet. My meds for my next cycle will be here on Tuesday and we'll do this again!

In other news, I went to a friend's house last night for dinner. It was nice because we hadn't been over there in a while. We ate and talked and then I gave her the birthday present I should've given her in January and she gave me a Glee cd (I'm a big Glee fan) and a card for Shawn and I. I opened it and it was for our anniversary. (It is in June and will be our 10 year). Anyway, inside was $200 worth of Visa cards! She said that she knew that we didn't have a lot of extra money because of fertility treatments and she wanted us to be able to go out for our anniversary. How incredibly kind!!! So when I start to dwell on what I don't have, I need to remind myself of what I do have. I have a lot of people around me that love me and want to help. For that I am so blessed.

Meeting with doctor

I met with my doctor yesterday to discuss this cycle and one of the first things he said was, "If I were you I would seriously consider adoption". WOW! I wasn't expecting that! Then he told me that probably my best chance was a surrogate if I wanted my own child.
And how do you get one of those when you are broke? That's not something that you can just ask someone and I haven't had any offers. It's hard because I really don't let too many people know about my fertility issues. I'm feeling so defeated. This week I have spring break so I am going to call around and try to find out if I can get any help with IVIG. If I can't, I don't know what I'll do.
It's so hard not having any control. There's nothing I can do. :(
He will still try again and wants to do another IUI. I brought up IVF, but he said since that never worked for us before, and we won't be doing IVIG, he'd rather try IUI and push the meds even more to try to get many follicles on the right side. If we end up with a lot on the left side, he will do a mini-IVF with those and freeze them. Even though we think my tube is blocked, he isn't taking any chances.
I appreciate his honesty - he even said that he was talking to me as a friend rather than just a doctor, but that was probably the hardest hit I've had to take. I felt like he was saying, well, we can keep trying, but you don't really have a chance. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did yesterday, but I needed to...
Adoption isn't part of our plan right now and I don't think it ever will be. My husband does not consider that an option. Surrogacy is really out of the question as well. I don't have anyone to do it for me.

So I will try again with an IUI in April. Miracles do happen and I think I'm due for one! Until then, I will have a glass of wine (or two) and just try and relax. :)

It's official - BFN

There's really nothing to say at this point...

13dpiui

Felt horrible today...Really bad cramps and backache. So I had to POAS and it was a BFN. :(

12dpiui

My husband hid all of the pregnancy tests. I told him I wasn't going to POAS, but he doesn't believe me, so he hid them. I think it's for the best right now! I go in for my blood test on Tuesday and I'm not feeling very confident about this cycle. I've been totally emotional lately and crying a lot. This morning I started having AF-like cramps and a backache. I have a cold which has made me feel yucky. I have been burping quite a bit. Do these things mean anything? Who knows. I just really don't feel like this cycle is the one. I am trying to be positive, but I feel like I need to prepare myself. This is a road that I've been down so many times. I honestly wouldn't know what it would feel like if I were pregnant and people tell me that's why I shouldn't get so down. You never know. I hope I'm wrong.
Shawn just brought me a Shamrock shake. Everyone says how good they are so I thought I'd try one. They are just okay to me, but I gave up chocolate for Lent so any sugar is good right now! :)
Here is a link to a song from Glee that of course made me totally break down. It's a good song though! It's been a rough week!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7qHYuVDIYY

8dpiui

Today and yesterday I haven't had cramps much at all. Now you think I'd be happy about that, but instead I'm thinking...Uh-oh...Why are the cramps gone? Maybe I should have cramps. Maybe this means that nothing is happening. I'm trying to stop myself from going down the what-if road, but it's really hard! I went in yesterday for bloodwork. They don't call you unless you need to change your medication and I didn't get a call. I'm really hoping that everything looked great. Six more days...I can do this!

6dpiui

I hate cramps. I know everyone does, but I just had to get that out. I've had them since I had the IUI and I never know what they mean. Is it my body screaming, "NO! We don't want a baby in here!" or is it just what happens because of the meds? I don't know but it is so frustrating. I feel like AF cramps wouldn't even be here yet, but it sure does feel like them. SO FRUSTRATING! I always have cramps with every cycle of both IUIs and IVFs. I'm so jealous of the people who say that they didn't feel a thing or just sore boobs. It seems like there are so many more of those people that end up pregnant.
I know that I am just freaking out because I'm entering week 2 of the 2ww and this is what happens to me. The time goes by so slowly and I begin to obsess over every little thing. I just want something different with this cycle...I don't know what, but something.
In other news, although still not good...I have another sore throat! Ugh! I don't know if it is because I'm teaching 1st grade now or what? I have never had so many sore throats!
I was supposed to go for happy face pancakes tonight for my niece's birthday, but now I don't think I'm going to go. I think happy face pancakes are just what I need though so maybe I'll have to make some here!
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for being negative. I will try to be more positive later!

2dpiui

Well it's been 2 days and I am exhausted and crampy! I am not sure what's going on, I guess we'll see. The actual IUI was uneventful. My husband was irritated because he had to wait over an hour to do his thing and then come right home and pick me up to go back to the office. They were running late as usual. Then I was a little irritated that they were running late with me, even though I am usually very patient. Everything is timed as far as when to take the trigger and when to come in, so I expected them to be on time for the procedure. They were only 1/2 hour late though and my favorite nurse, Heather, did the IUI. I've had them done by 3 different people but we're hoping that since we've always loved Heather that she will be good luck! It was strange because I didn't feel it at all. I remember the last time I had one I felt it enough to know that they were doing something! I took notes the last time I had an IUI and I was crampy all the way through. I hope this isn't a bad sign. I'll try to stay positive. I've been taking my Lovenox 2 times a day now along with progesterone. Hopefully that will help!
My stomach does not look pretty from the Lovenox injections. Here is a picture of someone else's stomach that has been taking Lovenox. Mine is a little darker though and on both sides. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and it seems as though many people are getting their BFP. I'm praying that we're next!

Edited to add: Okay I am cracking up right now. My friend Sara looked at my blog and informed me that the picture above is of a leg and not a stomach. I see that now. I thought it was someone's muffin top and I didn't want to show my muffin top so I put it on here. How funny! Thanks, Sara, for pointing that out! :)

Trigger tomorrow

I'm so ready for this! :)

Update

This cycle is moving along rather quickly. I started my meds last Saturday and then went in on Thursday for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I had 4 follicles on each side that were a decent size. Since the left side is blocked, it doesn't really count though. Based on their size and my bloodwork, they wanted me to come back in today.
Thank goodness we had a 2 hour delay at school because of icy roads. It took me 1/2 hour longer than normal to get there and then even when I was there, the nurses weren't. I was supposed to get to school at 9:35 and I got there at about 9:25.
So anyway, she did my scan today and the follicles had grown, but not by much, so they called this afternoon and wanted me to increase my medication and come back again tomorrow morning. That's 3 days in a row. I've never had to do that with any of my previous cycles. Depending on if my body cooperates, the IUI will be on Monday. We'll see!
This is the first cycle where I've used Lovenox and let me tell you, it stings! A friend told me to ice it before so I will try that. I am shocked at how bruised my stomach is already though.
Just thinking...this stim time seems short. I started stimming last Saturday. I know that's 7 days, but it seems like it should be longer.
I'm excited to finally be here after being on a break, but it also scares me because I know the 2ww all too well. As of right now, I'm not peeing on a stick early. I do have tests though and I don't know if I'll be able to wait. I guess I should at least wait for the IUI before talking about POAS.
In other news, I made green eggs and ham today for the first time with my first graders. How fun and yummy!

It's here...a day late!

AF is here today! I called my doctor's office and they said I needed to come in today so luckily my principal watched my kids for their last 10 minutes and I left a little early. They did the scans, didn't really say too much except that I don't have cysts and then I gave blood. I also asked about the IUI because I read online that if you have a blocked tube and your lead follicle is on that side, some doctors won't go through with the IUI, but mine does. The nurse said that there is a chance of it being "picked up" by the other side, so they still do it.
Since it was so late I won't start meds until after they get the results from the blood work tomorrow. I will have to go in early next week to get more blood taken to send to Dr. Kwak so that she can check NK cells and other levels. Even though I'm not doing the IVIG treatment this cycle, I am still very curious about my levels, so I'm glad they're doing these tests. I'm not happy that I have to pay $50 to ship them, but what's another $50, right?
I'm just happy to be getting started again and I'm praying for our miracle.

Ok I'm ready now

Every month I start on Day 30. Except when I will it to not start. I'm telling you, the mind is powerful. I've wanted to be pregnant so much in past months that I make my period late. Then I usually take a test and it starts right away. Funny how that works. This month, I wanted it to start on Day 30, which is today, because I'm ready to start this month's fun, but of course I didn't start. I think because I want to start so much, I won't. This is really irritating to me. My RE only does scans in the morning, so even if I start tomorrow, I don't think they'll see me until Monday. I know Monday isn't too far away, but I'm ready right now! So I haven't posted in a while because nothing is happening, but I'm hoping that this changes soon.

Other thoughts - I'm really ready for the snow to go away. I'm tired of it and I feel so much better in warmer weather. I have to look for a new car soon and after this morning when I turned onto a busy road and then could barely move, I'm thinking I want all-wheel drive. I remember when my husband had it before he bought his Camaro- yes, we live in MI. No, Camaros aren't really made for MI winters. Anyway, his jeep was always fine in the snow.

I made some really good cookies last week. Although I am trying to lower my carb intake, sometimes I just need chocolate. I made a cake - triple chocolate from Betty Crocker I think. I used Egg Beaters and applesauce instead of oil to make it a little more healthy. Anyway, I made the cake mix and then dipped Oreos in the batter. I put them in a muffin pan and baked them for about 10 minutes. Then I frosted them with vanilla frosting. They were so good!

I hope things start to happen soon!

And so it begins...

I talked with my doctor today and we are set to begin our next IUI cycle at the end of February. We are following Dr. Kwak's recommendations except for the IVIG for now. He is also planning to push the dose of meds a bit. We'll see how much. With only one tube, I'm not too concerned. He always has to warn me though and I want to say, I get it, I get it. Yeah, I know there is a risk of multiples, but I'm sitting here after almost 6 years with nothing, so let's do it! I started the prednisone today and so soon I'll be puffy, just like this:



But it's all worth it. A little puffyface is okay. See that little guy up there, he's still kinda cute, right?
In other news, my friend called me last night and said she went to a psychic. She didn't tell the psychic anything about me, but he said that the "friend that she had been praying for" was finally going to get her baby this year. That friend is me! I'm super excited about that. I pray every day and I know He is listening.

Boo to insurance companies!

I got the letter today that my insurance company will not pay for IVIG. I'm a little bummed even though I totally expected it. So now I appeal.
In other news, I had a sonogram to see if I healed from my procedure in December. They said everything looked good down there (Gee thanks!) so hopefully that means we can try again with my next cycle. I have to wait for the doctor to call me next week.
So I admit it, I stalk other blogs. Some of these teaching blogs are nuts! How do the teachers find the time to do all of these really cool crafts and activities, post them DAILY and take care of a family? They amaze me! This has nothing to do with that, but I did use my crock pot for the first time the other day. The roast was SO good! The only problem is that I can't use it when I'm not at home. I have this fear that the house will burn down. I know it won't and people do it every day, but I just can't do it.
Other good news - the pink eye is gone, my throat is feeling better after taking the antibiotics and I had two snow days this week! I'm looking forward to the weekend. Go Packers!

                                                     

Can this just be over with already?

I'm still sick...   :(    Only now, I have pink eye, which is really yucky if you've never experienced it. I also still have this really heavy period. So my throat is sore, I still have drainage, I keep coughing, my eyes are crusty and red, my cramps feel like they are only supposed to on Day 1 of AF and I am supposed to be working on report cards that I just haven't felt like working on. I also just found out that a major storm is coming Tuesday night - all day Wednesday and I have my appt. with the doctor on Wednesday that I will not cancel even if we get a foot of snow! I'm a little crabby right now. I think I need to go back to bed!

AF is here!

Usually that is a sad thing, but today I am happy she is back! I have horrible cramps, probably from not having a period for so long, but I'll be okay. I'm still sick with a sore throat, congestion and drainage, so I'm just trying to take it easy! I made an appt. with my doctor for next Wednesday to have a saline sonogram and hopefully be able to figure out a plan to try again next month. I still haven't heard from the insurance company. I might call them tomorrow.

Sick...Ugh!

I started feeling weak yesterday and I just knew...Today I have a sore throat, my head hurts and feels huge and I am totally stuffed up. I guess it's better to have the weekend to hopefully feel better by Monday, but I hadn't planned on spending the whole weekend at home. In a way I'm glad it's happening now so that when I cycle again, I'll be perfectly healthy!
I don't know how long it will take for me to start a period again. I've been taking Provera for 5 days and I have 5 more to go. They said it should make me start but I don't know if you have to take all of them. They said to call if I don't start after taking them.
Still haven't heard anything from my insurance company. I feel like everything else in life is so rushed and goes by so fast, but not this. Everything with infertility seems SOOOO S....L....O...W...

My 5 yr. old niece made a Valentine's Day card for my husband and me. I was wearing a dress with red hearts all over it and high heels. I love it! :)

What's going on?

Last week, I called and asked my insurance company if they'd processed the pre-authorization form yet. Turns out they haven't even received it! I called Dr. Kwak's office in December and they assured me that they sent it, but the insurance company does not have it. So I had to call Dr. Kwak's office, have them resend it, and then call my insurance company back this week. The woman I spoke with said she might be able to expedite the process so that it doesn't take another 30 days. Hopefully!
When I called Dr. Kwak's office, I also asked about Metformin since I know she wants me to take it. It's been a little confusing to work with 2 doctors. I don't really know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing/taking, so I think I might have to call the nurses a lot this week to figure it out. I won't be cycling for a while, but I want to be sure I'm taking meds when I'm supposed to.
The nurse called in the Metformin and I started it today. Glad I called...What about the other drugs? Should I start on those? I guess I'll find out soon. I know Dr. Kwak really wants me to do IVIG, but the whole insurance thing could take a while and unfortunately, I can't afford it without help from my insurance company. I just keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, it will work with all of the other changes. I guess we'll find out in February!
I am so happy that I started going to the Resolve support group. Everyone there is so wonderful and supportive. It's so nice to talk to people who understand. Thanks ladies! :)

Happy New Year!

I had a really good time at the New Year's party last night. It was nice to visit with friends. I feel very blessed to have wonderful family and friends. I'm hoping 2011 will be filled with love, happiness and good fortune for everyone. My New Year's Resolution is to be the best I can be. I want to try to eat well and follow my doctor's orders. I want to go through everything WITH my husband and not try to tackle it alone. I want to spend more time with family and friends and less time worrying about work (well actually worrying about everything - I worry a lot). This is going to be a great year, I just know it! :)