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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Meeting with doctor

I met with my doctor yesterday to discuss this cycle and one of the first things he said was, "If I were you I would seriously consider adoption". WOW! I wasn't expecting that! Then he told me that probably my best chance was a surrogate if I wanted my own child.
And how do you get one of those when you are broke? That's not something that you can just ask someone and I haven't had any offers. It's hard because I really don't let too many people know about my fertility issues. I'm feeling so defeated. This week I have spring break so I am going to call around and try to find out if I can get any help with IVIG. If I can't, I don't know what I'll do.
It's so hard not having any control. There's nothing I can do. :(
He will still try again and wants to do another IUI. I brought up IVF, but he said since that never worked for us before, and we won't be doing IVIG, he'd rather try IUI and push the meds even more to try to get many follicles on the right side. If we end up with a lot on the left side, he will do a mini-IVF with those and freeze them. Even though we think my tube is blocked, he isn't taking any chances.
I appreciate his honesty - he even said that he was talking to me as a friend rather than just a doctor, but that was probably the hardest hit I've had to take. I felt like he was saying, well, we can keep trying, but you don't really have a chance. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did yesterday, but I needed to...
Adoption isn't part of our plan right now and I don't think it ever will be. My husband does not consider that an option. Surrogacy is really out of the question as well. I don't have anyone to do it for me.

So I will try again with an IUI in April. Miracles do happen and I think I'm due for one! Until then, I will have a glass of wine (or two) and just try and relax. :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

It's official - BFN

There's really nothing to say at this point...

Monday, March 21, 2011

13dpiui

Felt horrible today...Really bad cramps and backache. So I had to POAS and it was a BFN. :(

Sunday, March 20, 2011

12dpiui

My husband hid all of the pregnancy tests. I told him I wasn't going to POAS, but he doesn't believe me, so he hid them. I think it's for the best right now! I go in for my blood test on Tuesday and I'm not feeling very confident about this cycle. I've been totally emotional lately and crying a lot. This morning I started having AF-like cramps and a backache. I have a cold which has made me feel yucky. I have been burping quite a bit. Do these things mean anything? Who knows. I just really don't feel like this cycle is the one. I am trying to be positive, but I feel like I need to prepare myself. This is a road that I've been down so many times. I honestly wouldn't know what it would feel like if I were pregnant and people tell me that's why I shouldn't get so down. You never know. I hope I'm wrong.
Shawn just brought me a Shamrock shake. Everyone says how good they are so I thought I'd try one. They are just okay to me, but I gave up chocolate for Lent so any sugar is good right now! :)
Here is a link to a song from Glee that of course made me totally break down. It's a good song though! It's been a rough week!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7qHYuVDIYY

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

8dpiui

Today and yesterday I haven't had cramps much at all. Now you think I'd be happy about that, but instead I'm thinking...Uh-oh...Why are the cramps gone? Maybe I should have cramps. Maybe this means that nothing is happening. I'm trying to stop myself from going down the what-if road, but it's really hard! I went in yesterday for bloodwork. They don't call you unless you need to change your medication and I didn't get a call. I'm really hoping that everything looked great. Six more days...I can do this!

Monday, March 14, 2011

6dpiui

I hate cramps. I know everyone does, but I just had to get that out. I've had them since I had the IUI and I never know what they mean. Is it my body screaming, "NO! We don't want a baby in here!" or is it just what happens because of the meds? I don't know but it is so frustrating. I feel like AF cramps wouldn't even be here yet, but it sure does feel like them. SO FRUSTRATING! I always have cramps with every cycle of both IUIs and IVFs. I'm so jealous of the people who say that they didn't feel a thing or just sore boobs. It seems like there are so many more of those people that end up pregnant.
I know that I am just freaking out because I'm entering week 2 of the 2ww and this is what happens to me. The time goes by so slowly and I begin to obsess over every little thing. I just want something different with this cycle...I don't know what, but something.
In other news, although still not good...I have another sore throat! Ugh! I don't know if it is because I'm teaching 1st grade now or what? I have never had so many sore throats!
I was supposed to go for happy face pancakes tonight for my niece's birthday, but now I don't think I'm going to go. I think happy face pancakes are just what I need though so maybe I'll have to make some here!
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for being negative. I will try to be more positive later!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

2dpiui

Well it's been 2 days and I am exhausted and crampy! I am not sure what's going on, I guess we'll see. The actual IUI was uneventful. My husband was irritated because he had to wait over an hour to do his thing and then come right home and pick me up to go back to the office. They were running late as usual. Then I was a little irritated that they were running late with me, even though I am usually very patient. Everything is timed as far as when to take the trigger and when to come in, so I expected them to be on time for the procedure. They were only 1/2 hour late though and my favorite nurse, Heather, did the IUI. I've had them done by 3 different people but we're hoping that since we've always loved Heather that she will be good luck! It was strange because I didn't feel it at all. I remember the last time I had one I felt it enough to know that they were doing something! I took notes the last time I had an IUI and I was crampy all the way through. I hope this isn't a bad sign. I'll try to stay positive. I've been taking my Lovenox 2 times a day now along with progesterone. Hopefully that will help!
My stomach does not look pretty from the Lovenox injections. Here is a picture of someone else's stomach that has been taking Lovenox. Mine is a little darker though and on both sides. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and it seems as though many people are getting their BFP. I'm praying that we're next!



Edited to add: Okay I am cracking up right now. My friend Sara looked at my blog and informed me that the picture above is of a leg and not a stomach. I see that now. I thought it was someone's muffin top and I didn't want to show my muffin top so I put it on here. How funny! Thanks, Sara, for pointing that out! :)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Trigger tomorrow

I'm so ready for this! :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

Update

This cycle is moving along rather quickly. I started my meds last Saturday and then went in on Thursday for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I had 4 follicles on each side that were a decent size. Since the left side is blocked, it doesn't really count though. Based on their size and my bloodwork, they wanted me to come back in today.
Thank goodness we had a 2 hour delay at school because of icy roads. It took me 1/2 hour longer than normal to get there and then even when I was there, the nurses weren't. I was supposed to get to school at 9:35 and I got there at about 9:25.
So anyway, she did my scan today and the follicles had grown, but not by much, so they called this afternoon and wanted me to increase my medication and come back again tomorrow morning. That's 3 days in a row. I've never had to do that with any of my previous cycles. Depending on if my body cooperates, the IUI will be on Monday. We'll see!
This is the first cycle where I've used Lovenox and let me tell you, it stings! A friend told me to ice it before so I will try that. I am shocked at how bruised my stomach is already though.
Just thinking...this stim time seems short. I started stimming last Saturday. I know that's 7 days, but it seems like it should be longer.
I'm excited to finally be here after being on a break, but it also scares me because I know the 2ww all too well. As of right now, I'm not peeing on a stick early. I do have tests though and I don't know if I'll be able to wait. I guess I should at least wait for the IUI before talking about POAS.
In other news, I made green eggs and ham today for the first time with my first graders. How fun and yummy!