After 7 long years...

I can finally shout to the world that I am pregnant! Yippee!!! :) (Thank you God!)
This past Wednesday was 20 weeks and yesterday we had our Level 2 scan to make sure that everything was measuring the way it was supposed to. Everything looked great. Oh, did I mention we are having twins?
Twin A is 12 ounces (55th percentile) and Twin B is 15 ounces (78th percentile). I was also told that Twin B has a Buddha belly! <3
I haven't posted before this because, well, I've been exhausted, but I have also been afraid. We've only known loss and sadness for so long, I was afraid to jinx myself.

I am trying very hard to take this day by day and just be grateful for my 2 little miracles. I am a very anxious person, however, so every little cramp or pain scares me. I know I am probably the most annoying patient at my doctor's office, but I don't care. I call often!

We also found out that we are having boys! There is no doubt about it. I am so in love already!

How exactly did we get here? Well, I'm not sure. This past summer, I applied at Rutgers, long story, but it was a plan to get me to Colorado to see Dr. Schoolcraft. I was accepted and applied to take an online class. I even bought a Rutgers sweatshirt! lol
I also continued to be gluten free. I heard about it helping with egg quality and I decided it was worth trying. I had been gf since January and I will tell you what, it was really hard! I really missed bread and pasta!!! But I just kept thinking that if it would help me get my family, I would do it. (Or anything for that matter!)

Anyway, I convinced my dh that we should just do one more IVF here, with the same doctor we've always used - I know I've said this before, but I love him. Anyway, we went in to talk to him and asked him to make a few changes just for the heck of it. We wanted to use Follistim instead of Bravelle. We had been told by other doctors that Follistim was shown to be better for some women with implantation issues. We had only used Bravelle in the past.

We also wanted to do a 3-day transfer. We have only had 5-day transfers and so we thought, why not? Maybe they'd rather develop inside of me rather than in the lab.

We continued to use the medications suggested by Dr. Kwak, but we were done with IVIG. It was expensive and we tried it twice. We thought that was enough.

So he agreed and we tried it. I believe I ended up with 14 embryos (I have this all written down, but am too lazy to go look!). We chose to transfer 5. Now I know that sounds like a lot and my doctor is not a crazy doctor that wants me to be octomom. However, we have had so many failed cycles and last time had tried transferring 4 and nothing happened. Also, he said that with 3-day transfers, it isn't as clear how many good quality embryos you are transferring, so transferring more made sense. He also gave us the lecture on selective reduction that we had heard so many times before.

They were able to freeze 6 embryos after day 5. WHAT? We never have many, if any, to freeze!!

I honestly didn't feel any different over the 2ww than I ever had. Well, I did burp a lot, even more than usual, but really, I was prepared for a failed cycle. We were in Babies R' Us getting my friend's baby a present when the call came. I made my dh answer it because I always answered it and I thought he should hear the bad news and then he could tell me. Heather, the nurse, would not tell him and insisted that we both were on the phone. SO, I put the phone on speakerphone right in the store and she shared the news. We were all so excited and I started to cry. She said they were fighting over who would get to call! The beta was good, over 400, and it was such an amazing feeling to hear good news.

We are considered high-risk and my MFM doctor is my OB. He is about an hour away, but was highly recommended by my IVF doctor, and so it is worth the drive. I've gotten to see the babies quite a bit and I can always go in for a scan if I'm feeling anxious.

I continue to pray and thank God daily. I also continue to hope that everyone else that continues to suffer will also get their miracle.

It's IVF time again...and I'm excited!

I just read another blog and it told about a horrible car crash that killed a baby and then people posted that it was all a hoax. How could someone do that? It's so sad that there are people out there that would do this! And I cried for these people...this is just wrong.

I have decided to have another IVF in July. We spoke with our doctor and he agreed to give it another try. This really is the best time for me since I have a few months off. This is as relaxed as I can get! We are making a few changes: We will have a 3-day transfer instead of 5 like we usually do, and we will use Follistim instead of Bravelle.

These changes don't seem like much, but we are hoping that they will make a difference. I will take all of the medications recommended by Dr. Kwak, but will not have IVIG. I had it twice and since it didn't work, I can't see spending all of that money on it.

I've been gluten-free since January so hopefully that helps. I've also started acupuncture again and for the first time, I will have her come to my doctor's office on the transfer day.

Hoping and praying for the best. If you pray and wouldn't mind saying one for my husband and me, we would appreciate it! :)

:) Andrea

Today I am heartbroken again...

And I never even thought I was pregnant! I haven't written on this blog in so long, but today I feel like I need to. It really does help me and it's been neglected too long. I've been checking up on everyone else and reading their blogs, but just not writing on my own.

My dh said it best, "False hope hurts as much as failure."
A friend of ours considered being a surrogate for us. She said something about it a few years ago and then her husband said something to my husband recently and we ending up meeting to talk about it. She had questions and concerns, but I left the meeting feeling pretty confident, although to be honest, still very surprised at the offer.

So yesterday when she called to tell me her decision, I was crushed. Of course she has the right to say no. This is a BIG deal. She has the right to be too busy right now and to not want to be pregnant. Of course she does. But it doesn't make it any less painful. I am so disappointed and upset that I let myself believe that maybe it was time for our miracle.

I saw my RE yesterday at Whole Foods. I told him that I just found out that both of my tubes are blocked after having a lap with a different RE. I also told him that I would be coming in for a consult because I might have a surrogate. (Yes, I told him all of this at Whole Foods. I have no shame and he did ask what I'd been doing or if I had any new news!)

So now we're thinking of having a consult with my RE to talk about other options.

The past few months I've had a consult with a doctor in Portland, (I think they have the best stats in the country.) He was very kind and so was his staff, but they didn't have any new ideas for the most part. He did say, however, that using Follistim has been more successful for some women that have had problems with implantation and we haven't used it, so I will bring that up to my RE.

I also had a laparoscopy done with a doctor here in MI. She was checking on my endo and also to make sure that there wasn't scar tissue from when the septum was removed. That's when she found that both tubes are now blocked from the endo.

My dh and I thought about asking the doctor to try a 3-day transfer this time as well. What could it hurt? We've never had anything but a 5-day, so it would be something different.

Ok, it really does feel better to write everything out. I just wish I knew answers or could understand this. I keep asking myself why this has to happen. I try to be a good, kind person and do the right thing. Why?