7dp5dt and on...

Well, I didn't post every day like I hoped to. Oh well. I cramped pretty much every day and on 10 days past transfer I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad cramp down low that ended up in my lower back. Weird.
I had really bad back pain with this cycle, worst ever.
I also POASd quite a bit and saw many - signs, but not one +. I really thought this was our time, but it was not to be.
My doctor increased my prednisone and progesterone during the cycle, but apparently, it wasn't enough.

Will anything ever be enough?
Will I always feel this pain in my heart, this longing?
This is my life...wanting a child and trying to figure out how to get one. I thought IVIG was the trick. I guess not.
I could barely sit through church yesterday. Of course there was a baptism. Everyone was so happy and I was SO JEALOUS! And I do feel guilty about it.
And then there's the part of me that gets angry at God and just doesn't understand why.
I am a teacher and for the past 6 summers, I've tried to get pregnant. When everyone else tells what they've done or where they've gone, really, I don't have much to say because all I do is try to get pregnant. I want to be pregnant, don't get me wrong, I CAN'T GIVE UP, but I'm just so drained. So this was my 4th IVF and it failed. How many more do I do? Do I just keep doing them (until I have to file for bankruptcy) hoping that one will work? Why should one work when they never have before? I have never had anything more than a chemical pregnancy. Why? I pay these doctors all of this money, why can't they figure me out??