I can finally shout to the world that I am pregnant! Yippee!!! :) (Thank you God!)
This past Wednesday was 20 weeks and yesterday we had our Level 2 scan to make sure that everything was measuring the way it was supposed to. Everything looked great. Oh, did I mention we are having twins?
Twin A is 12 ounces (55th percentile) and Twin B is 15 ounces (78th percentile). I was also told that Twin B has a Buddha belly! <3
I haven't posted before this because, well, I've been exhausted, but I have also been afraid. We've only known loss and sadness for so long, I was afraid to jinx myself.
I am trying very hard to take this day by day and just be grateful for my 2 little miracles. I am a very anxious person, however, so every little cramp or pain scares me. I know I am probably the most annoying patient at my doctor's office, but I don't care. I call often!
We also found out that we are having boys! There is no doubt about it. I am so in love already!
How exactly did we get here? Well, I'm not sure. This past summer, I applied at Rutgers, long story, but it was a plan to get me to Colorado to see Dr. Schoolcraft. I was accepted and applied to take an online class. I even bought a Rutgers sweatshirt! lol
I also continued to be gluten free. I heard about it helping with egg quality and I decided it was worth trying. I had been gf since January and I will tell you what, it was really hard! I really missed bread and pasta!!! But I just kept thinking that if it would help me get my family, I would do it. (Or anything for that matter!)
Anyway, I convinced my dh that we should just do one more IVF here, with the same doctor we've always used - I know I've said this before, but I love him. Anyway, we went in to talk to him and asked him to make a few changes just for the heck of it. We wanted to use Follistim instead of Bravelle. We had been told by other doctors that Follistim was shown to be better for some women with implantation issues. We had only used Bravelle in the past.
We also wanted to do a 3-day transfer. We have only had 5-day transfers and so we thought, why not? Maybe they'd rather develop inside of me rather than in the lab.
We continued to use the medications suggested by Dr. Kwak, but we were done with IVIG. It was expensive and we tried it twice. We thought that was enough.
So he agreed and we tried it. I believe I ended up with 14 embryos (I have this all written down, but am too lazy to go look!). We chose to transfer 5. Now I know that sounds like a lot and my doctor is not a crazy doctor that wants me to be octomom. However, we have had so many failed cycles and last time had tried transferring 4 and nothing happened. Also, he said that with 3-day transfers, it isn't as clear how many good quality embryos you are transferring, so transferring more made sense. He also gave us the lecture on selective reduction that we had heard so many times before.
They were able to freeze 6 embryos after day 5. WHAT? We never have many, if any, to freeze!!
I honestly didn't feel any different over the 2ww than I ever had. Well, I did burp a lot, even more than usual, but really, I was prepared for a failed cycle. We were in Babies R' Us getting my friend's baby a present when the call came. I made my dh answer it because I always answered it and I thought he should hear the bad news and then he could tell me. Heather, the nurse, would not tell him and insisted that we both were on the phone. SO, I put the phone on speakerphone right in the store and she shared the news. We were all so excited and I started to cry. She said they were fighting over who would get to call! The beta was good, over 400, and it was such an amazing feeling to hear good news.
We are considered high-risk and my MFM doctor is my OB. He is about an hour away, but was highly recommended by my IVF doctor, and so it is worth the drive. I've gotten to see the babies quite a bit and I can always go in for a scan if I'm feeling anxious.
I continue to pray and thank God daily. I also continue to hope that everyone else that continues to suffer will also get their miracle.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
It's IVF time again...and I'm excited!
I just read another blog and it told about a horrible car crash that killed a baby and then people posted that it was all a hoax. How could someone do that? It's so sad that there are people out there that would do this! And I cried for these people...this is just wrong.
I have decided to have another IVF in July. We spoke with our doctor and he agreed to give it another try. This really is the best time for me since I have a few months off. This is as relaxed as I can get! We are making a few changes: We will have a 3-day transfer instead of 5 like we usually do, and we will use Follistim instead of Bravelle.
These changes don't seem like much, but we are hoping that they will make a difference. I will take all of the medications recommended by Dr. Kwak, but will not have IVIG. I had it twice and since it didn't work, I can't see spending all of that money on it.
I've been gluten-free since January so hopefully that helps. I've also started acupuncture again and for the first time, I will have her come to my doctor's office on the transfer day.
Hoping and praying for the best. If you pray and wouldn't mind saying one for my husband and me, we would appreciate it! :)
:) Andrea
I have decided to have another IVF in July. We spoke with our doctor and he agreed to give it another try. This really is the best time for me since I have a few months off. This is as relaxed as I can get! We are making a few changes: We will have a 3-day transfer instead of 5 like we usually do, and we will use Follistim instead of Bravelle.
These changes don't seem like much, but we are hoping that they will make a difference. I will take all of the medications recommended by Dr. Kwak, but will not have IVIG. I had it twice and since it didn't work, I can't see spending all of that money on it.
I've been gluten-free since January so hopefully that helps. I've also started acupuncture again and for the first time, I will have her come to my doctor's office on the transfer day.
Hoping and praying for the best. If you pray and wouldn't mind saying one for my husband and me, we would appreciate it! :)
:) Andrea
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Today I am heartbroken again...
And I never even thought I was pregnant! I haven't written on this blog in so long, but today I feel like I need to. It really does help me and it's been neglected too long. I've been checking up on everyone else and reading their blogs, but just not writing on my own.
My dh said it best, "False hope hurts as much as failure."
A friend of ours considered being a surrogate for us. She said something about it a few years ago and then her husband said something to my husband recently and we ending up meeting to talk about it. She had questions and concerns, but I left the meeting feeling pretty confident, although to be honest, still very surprised at the offer.
So yesterday when she called to tell me her decision, I was crushed. Of course she has the right to say no. This is a BIG deal. She has the right to be too busy right now and to not want to be pregnant. Of course she does. But it doesn't make it any less painful. I am so disappointed and upset that I let myself believe that maybe it was time for our miracle.
I saw my RE yesterday at Whole Foods. I told him that I just found out that both of my tubes are blocked after having a lap with a different RE. I also told him that I would be coming in for a consult because I might have a surrogate. (Yes, I told him all of this at Whole Foods. I have no shame and he did ask what I'd been doing or if I had any new news!)
So now we're thinking of having a consult with my RE to talk about other options.
The past few months I've had a consult with a doctor in Portland, (I think they have the best stats in the country.) He was very kind and so was his staff, but they didn't have any new ideas for the most part. He did say, however, that using Follistim has been more successful for some women that have had problems with implantation and we haven't used it, so I will bring that up to my RE.
I also had a laparoscopy done with a doctor here in MI. She was checking on my endo and also to make sure that there wasn't scar tissue from when the septum was removed. That's when she found that both tubes are now blocked from the endo.
My dh and I thought about asking the doctor to try a 3-day transfer this time as well. What could it hurt? We've never had anything but a 5-day, so it would be something different.
Ok, it really does feel better to write everything out. I just wish I knew answers or could understand this. I keep asking myself why this has to happen. I try to be a good, kind person and do the right thing. Why?
My dh said it best, "False hope hurts as much as failure."
A friend of ours considered being a surrogate for us. She said something about it a few years ago and then her husband said something to my husband recently and we ending up meeting to talk about it. She had questions and concerns, but I left the meeting feeling pretty confident, although to be honest, still very surprised at the offer.
So yesterday when she called to tell me her decision, I was crushed. Of course she has the right to say no. This is a BIG deal. She has the right to be too busy right now and to not want to be pregnant. Of course she does. But it doesn't make it any less painful. I am so disappointed and upset that I let myself believe that maybe it was time for our miracle.
I saw my RE yesterday at Whole Foods. I told him that I just found out that both of my tubes are blocked after having a lap with a different RE. I also told him that I would be coming in for a consult because I might have a surrogate. (Yes, I told him all of this at Whole Foods. I have no shame and he did ask what I'd been doing or if I had any new news!)
So now we're thinking of having a consult with my RE to talk about other options.
The past few months I've had a consult with a doctor in Portland, (I think they have the best stats in the country.) He was very kind and so was his staff, but they didn't have any new ideas for the most part. He did say, however, that using Follistim has been more successful for some women that have had problems with implantation and we haven't used it, so I will bring that up to my RE.
I also had a laparoscopy done with a doctor here in MI. She was checking on my endo and also to make sure that there wasn't scar tissue from when the septum was removed. That's when she found that both tubes are now blocked from the endo.
My dh and I thought about asking the doctor to try a 3-day transfer this time as well. What could it hurt? We've never had anything but a 5-day, so it would be something different.
Ok, it really does feel better to write everything out. I just wish I knew answers or could understand this. I keep asking myself why this has to happen. I try to be a good, kind person and do the right thing. Why?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I made it!
Whew!! I made it through Christmas with only a few tears! I just tried really hard to put things out of my mind because I needed to play with my nieces and nephews and have fun! Luckily, we don't really have any babies in the family and I can't see any new babies coming anytime soon for anyone else, so that makes it easier. So I played Polly Pockets, monsters and made a fort. I am a cool aunt! :)
On Christmas Eve, I paid for the person in back of me at Tim Horton's. I've always wanted to do that and it felt so good to do! Even though I didn't get to see their faces, I hope it made their day! :)
What I haven't been so good at is eating right. My dh's mom sends all of the Christmas leftovers home with us and guess who has to have something EVERY TIME she goes into the kitchen, yeah that's right, me, Miss Piggy! I really have to get back on track so that I can at least kinda, sorta fit into my pants when I go back to work.
In other news, I joined a Fantasy Football League for the first time this year and was in the "Super Bowl" against my dh. I won! So fun! I think I even get a trophy!
Fertility news~ We had another BFN from IUI w/IVIG in November. Dr. Kwak in Chicago doesn't ever really have anything to say when we have a failed cycle, so that's a bit annoying. If I contact them, they'll say that she'll let me know if there needs to be changes once I cycle again. But why do you think this cycle didn't work?
My younger sister said that she would donate some of her eggs to me, which I thought was a great idea, but they may be too similar to mine and we could have the same problems.
I met with my doctor and he's willing to try donor, although he won't actually perform the IVF, because he doesn't believe in it for religious reasons, but he said that he will personally talk to the other doctors and see what he can do about cost. He still really wants me to consider a surrogate, but we still have the same problem. I don't know anyone who would do it! I keep telling him that and every time I meet with him he asks how old my mother is. It's actually quite funny. She's almost 60! She would totally do it if she could though! :)
I also had a phone consult with the famous Dr. Schoolcraft from CO. I wasn't sure what to expect and to be honest, I was a little nervous, but we really liked him!
He said he didn't see any reason why I couldn't get pregnant with my own eggs and he'd like to try again. He also wants to do a test for the Beta-3 Integrin receptor. I guess if you don't have it, you may have problems with implantation. I've never heard of that, so we definitely want to check it out. He wants me to come for a 1-day workup. He also said that IVIG was hocus-pocus and of course, my dh agreed.
So now, here's the problem. I'd LOVE to go to Colorado and hope that they can work their magic. BUT I don't have $20- 30,000!
Do I go for the one day workup and at least see what they have to say? My mom says she'll pay for the airfare, but then what? Would it be better to just stay here and try my sister's eggs? I don't know how much that is, but I know it won't be $20,000...Should I just wait and try to save some money? I'm just not sure what to do and I wish I had a gut feeling about what to do! I'm just worried that if somehow we can find $ and do the CO thing, it won't work and then I won't be able to try anything else.
I really need to post more often. It feels good to write about my thoughts. Maybe that will help me make a decision!
:) Andrea
On Christmas Eve, I paid for the person in back of me at Tim Horton's. I've always wanted to do that and it felt so good to do! Even though I didn't get to see their faces, I hope it made their day! :)
What I haven't been so good at is eating right. My dh's mom sends all of the Christmas leftovers home with us and guess who has to have something EVERY TIME she goes into the kitchen, yeah that's right, me, Miss Piggy! I really have to get back on track so that I can at least kinda, sorta fit into my pants when I go back to work.
In other news, I joined a Fantasy Football League for the first time this year and was in the "Super Bowl" against my dh. I won! So fun! I think I even get a trophy!
Fertility news~ We had another BFN from IUI w/IVIG in November. Dr. Kwak in Chicago doesn't ever really have anything to say when we have a failed cycle, so that's a bit annoying. If I contact them, they'll say that she'll let me know if there needs to be changes once I cycle again. But why do you think this cycle didn't work?
My younger sister said that she would donate some of her eggs to me, which I thought was a great idea, but they may be too similar to mine and we could have the same problems.
I met with my doctor and he's willing to try donor, although he won't actually perform the IVF, because he doesn't believe in it for religious reasons, but he said that he will personally talk to the other doctors and see what he can do about cost. He still really wants me to consider a surrogate, but we still have the same problem. I don't know anyone who would do it! I keep telling him that and every time I meet with him he asks how old my mother is. It's actually quite funny. She's almost 60! She would totally do it if she could though! :)
I also had a phone consult with the famous Dr. Schoolcraft from CO. I wasn't sure what to expect and to be honest, I was a little nervous, but we really liked him!
He said he didn't see any reason why I couldn't get pregnant with my own eggs and he'd like to try again. He also wants to do a test for the Beta-3 Integrin receptor. I guess if you don't have it, you may have problems with implantation. I've never heard of that, so we definitely want to check it out. He wants me to come for a 1-day workup. He also said that IVIG was hocus-pocus and of course, my dh agreed.
So now, here's the problem. I'd LOVE to go to Colorado and hope that they can work their magic. BUT I don't have $20- 30,000!
Do I go for the one day workup and at least see what they have to say? My mom says she'll pay for the airfare, but then what? Would it be better to just stay here and try my sister's eggs? I don't know how much that is, but I know it won't be $20,000...Should I just wait and try to save some money? I'm just not sure what to do and I wish I had a gut feeling about what to do! I'm just worried that if somehow we can find $ and do the CO thing, it won't work and then I won't be able to try anything else.
I really need to post more often. It feels good to write about my thoughts. Maybe that will help me make a decision!
:) Andrea
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I'm still here!
It's been quite a while since I've actually posted, but I'm still here. I've just been super depressed and trying to get out of this funk I'm in! I think I thought FOR SURE that with IVF and IVIG it would work. When it didn't, I just couldn't understand why. Actually, I still don't.
After our last failed cycle in August, I met with my doctor and he basically told me that if I wanted to try again, he would, but he feels like he failed us and he doesn't know what else to do. He said again that I seriously need to consider a surrogate or adoption. (I get it. I know I need to consider those things. Actually I have considered them!) He went over our charts and said he honestly can't see why it's not working. He doesn't have many patients that don't have success after this many tries.
Anyway, he said that maybe I need to go see one of those doctors that "walk on water" in Denver or New Jersey. He gave me permission to get a 2nd opinion. I really feel like I needed that.
I left that meeting feeling so defeated and even worse than before and since then, I've just been down. Yes, it's a little better now, but I'm still not totally myself.
I've been going to see my counselor and she is trying to help me look at things in a more positive way. It is helping, but I don't know if anything can ever REALLY help.
I made an appt. for a phone consultation with Dr. Schoolcraft in Colorado. I can't afford him, I just want to hear what he has to say. I was happy that I just made the appt. That was a step.
I just started my cycle yesterday and am going to do another IUI with IVIG. My husband really wants to try more IUIs before anything else. I figure, why not? I don't think I can feel too much worse.
Oh, and I planted a potato, was given an elephant with the trunk up and removed everything but the dust from under my bed. You know, because we'll try on our own even when we're not going through treatments. :)
Off to get some mental help from my counselor.
Tomorrow is our Halloween party/parade at school. It will be crazy!
:) Andrea
After our last failed cycle in August, I met with my doctor and he basically told me that if I wanted to try again, he would, but he feels like he failed us and he doesn't know what else to do. He said again that I seriously need to consider a surrogate or adoption. (I get it. I know I need to consider those things. Actually I have considered them!) He went over our charts and said he honestly can't see why it's not working. He doesn't have many patients that don't have success after this many tries.
Anyway, he said that maybe I need to go see one of those doctors that "walk on water" in Denver or New Jersey. He gave me permission to get a 2nd opinion. I really feel like I needed that.
I left that meeting feeling so defeated and even worse than before and since then, I've just been down. Yes, it's a little better now, but I'm still not totally myself.
I've been going to see my counselor and she is trying to help me look at things in a more positive way. It is helping, but I don't know if anything can ever REALLY help.
I made an appt. for a phone consultation with Dr. Schoolcraft in Colorado. I can't afford him, I just want to hear what he has to say. I was happy that I just made the appt. That was a step.
I just started my cycle yesterday and am going to do another IUI with IVIG. My husband really wants to try more IUIs before anything else. I figure, why not? I don't think I can feel too much worse.
Oh, and I planted a potato, was given an elephant with the trunk up and removed everything but the dust from under my bed. You know, because we'll try on our own even when we're not going through treatments. :)
Off to get some mental help from my counselor.
Tomorrow is our Halloween party/parade at school. It will be crazy!
:) Andrea
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Happy Birthday To Me
I feel crappy today. I've been dreading this day for awhile. I'm 34 today...that much closer to 35 and still without a child. My birthdays just remind me of what I still don't have and my wishes don't matter.
I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. I always feel bad when I'm such a downer, but right now, I can't help it.
I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. I always feel bad when I'm such a downer, but right now, I can't help it.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Follow-Up Meeting
I scheduled it for the 24th. When they called yesterday to give me the "official" news, I didn't cry. I just felt numb. They said how sorry they were and that my numbers looked so good and they were surprised. I almost felt like I had to comfort them!
Anyways, they really couldn't get me in until the end of August, but I go back to school then and the beginning of the year is CRAZY. I thought that since it was this kind of call, they could work something out for me. And they did, so I'll see him next week.
It's frustrating because I know what I want to ask him, but at the same time, I don't really know what to ask him.
Maybe - Should we try different medications? I've only really taken Bravelle and Menopur.
Why haven't I ever really seen a positive in 6 yrs - besides 2 chemicals, but the numbers were so low, they were never even possibilities?
I need something different, but quite frankly, sometimes I get tired of having to suggest things. I want him to say, let's try this. It's always me wanting to try something. He'll do it, but that's not the point!
After this failure, I have honestly thought about switching REs, and this is probably going to sound terrible, but he is well known and has good stats AND because I've had so many failures, he gives me a really good IVF price. If I go to someone else, I can't continue for long. With him at least I know I have a few more tries financially.
I also need to speak with Dr. Kwak and find out what she thinks. Did I not take enough IVIG? Do I need more prednisone?
Is there a chance that this IVF was just in the 40 - 50% that just didn't work? Maybe nothing was really wrong, it just didn't take?
So many questions...Hoping to get some answers. So tired of all of this but not giving up. How can I?
Anyways, they really couldn't get me in until the end of August, but I go back to school then and the beginning of the year is CRAZY. I thought that since it was this kind of call, they could work something out for me. And they did, so I'll see him next week.
It's frustrating because I know what I want to ask him, but at the same time, I don't really know what to ask him.
Maybe - Should we try different medications? I've only really taken Bravelle and Menopur.
Why haven't I ever really seen a positive in 6 yrs - besides 2 chemicals, but the numbers were so low, they were never even possibilities?
I need something different, but quite frankly, sometimes I get tired of having to suggest things. I want him to say, let's try this. It's always me wanting to try something. He'll do it, but that's not the point!
After this failure, I have honestly thought about switching REs, and this is probably going to sound terrible, but he is well known and has good stats AND because I've had so many failures, he gives me a really good IVF price. If I go to someone else, I can't continue for long. With him at least I know I have a few more tries financially.
I also need to speak with Dr. Kwak and find out what she thinks. Did I not take enough IVIG? Do I need more prednisone?
Is there a chance that this IVF was just in the 40 - 50% that just didn't work? Maybe nothing was really wrong, it just didn't take?
So many questions...Hoping to get some answers. So tired of all of this but not giving up. How can I?
Monday, August 15, 2011
7dp5dt and on...
Well, I didn't post every day like I hoped to. Oh well. I cramped pretty much every day and on 10 days past transfer I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad cramp down low that ended up in my lower back. Weird.
I had really bad back pain with this cycle, worst ever.
I also POASd quite a bit and saw many - signs, but not one +. I really thought this was our time, but it was not to be.
My doctor increased my prednisone and progesterone during the cycle, but apparently, it wasn't enough.
Will anything ever be enough?
Will I always feel this pain in my heart, this longing?
This is my life...wanting a child and trying to figure out how to get one. I thought IVIG was the trick. I guess not.
I could barely sit through church yesterday. Of course there was a baptism. Everyone was so happy and I was SO JEALOUS! And I do feel guilty about it.
And then there's the part of me that gets angry at God and just doesn't understand why.
I am a teacher and for the past 6 summers, I've tried to get pregnant. When everyone else tells what they've done or where they've gone, really, I don't have much to say because all I do is try to get pregnant. I want to be pregnant, don't get me wrong, I CAN'T GIVE UP, but I'm just so drained. So this was my 4th IVF and it failed. How many more do I do? Do I just keep doing them (until I have to file for bankruptcy) hoping that one will work? Why should one work when they never have before? I have never had anything more than a chemical pregnancy. Why? I pay these doctors all of this money, why can't they figure me out??
I had really bad back pain with this cycle, worst ever.
I also POASd quite a bit and saw many - signs, but not one +. I really thought this was our time, but it was not to be.
My doctor increased my prednisone and progesterone during the cycle, but apparently, it wasn't enough.
Will anything ever be enough?
Will I always feel this pain in my heart, this longing?
This is my life...wanting a child and trying to figure out how to get one. I thought IVIG was the trick. I guess not.
I could barely sit through church yesterday. Of course there was a baptism. Everyone was so happy and I was SO JEALOUS! And I do feel guilty about it.
And then there's the part of me that gets angry at God and just doesn't understand why.
I am a teacher and for the past 6 summers, I've tried to get pregnant. When everyone else tells what they've done or where they've gone, really, I don't have much to say because all I do is try to get pregnant. I want to be pregnant, don't get me wrong, I CAN'T GIVE UP, but I'm just so drained. So this was my 4th IVF and it failed. How many more do I do? Do I just keep doing them (until I have to file for bankruptcy) hoping that one will work? Why should one work when they never have before? I have never had anything more than a chemical pregnancy. Why? I pay these doctors all of this money, why can't they figure me out??
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
6dp5dt
Today was pretty much more of the same except I felt really out of it! This morning freaked me out a bit because I was using my Crinone and I put the little Estradiol on top hoping that I could get it in without using my finger, because well, I hate doing that. So I put it all up there, and of course the little blue pill stayed behind and didn't go where it should. So I put it back on top of the applicator and shoved it up there - 2 more times actually, and then when I pulled out the applicator, it had blood on it.
Now I have been feeling a little dry and sensitive there, so I e-mailed my doctor. Haven't heard anything yet, but of course I googled it and many women had discomfort from Crinone. Good to know!
I also got some news from Dr. K:
NK assay:
50:1 14.3 should be 15 or below
cd56 18.0 should be 12 or below
Th1/Th2 cytokines:
TNF 44.7 should be 30.6 or below
IFN 25.0 should be 20.5 or below
Thyroid testing normal, white count slightly elevated in you complete blood count.
Recommendations:
a. Increase prednisone to 10mgs twice daily
b. Pregnancy testing, progesterone and estradiol levels 10 days after transfer
c. IVIG with a positive pregnancy test
So I'm taking more prednisone and will have to have a pregnancy test sooner than my doctor was planning on it.
I'm not feeling overly confident. I'm trying, I really am. I have been told by my IF friends that I should POAS every day until the positive test, but I don't think I can do it. I am terrified to do it! Everytime I see a -, whether it's "too early" or not, I feel so defeated. I just can't do it. I know I could get a + and be so happy, but I can't yet. I am trying to believe that IVF + IVIG is my miracle and I hope it is.
:) Andrea
Now I have been feeling a little dry and sensitive there, so I e-mailed my doctor. Haven't heard anything yet, but of course I googled it and many women had discomfort from Crinone. Good to know!
I also got some news from Dr. K:
NK assay:
50:1 14.3 should be 15 or below
cd56 18.0 should be 12 or below
Th1/Th2 cytokines:
TNF 44.7 should be 30.6 or below
IFN 25.0 should be 20.5 or below
Thyroid testing normal, white count slightly elevated in you complete blood count.
Recommendations:
a. Increase prednisone to 10mgs twice daily
b. Pregnancy testing, progesterone and estradiol levels 10 days after transfer
c. IVIG with a positive pregnancy test
So I'm taking more prednisone and will have to have a pregnancy test sooner than my doctor was planning on it.
I'm not feeling overly confident. I'm trying, I really am. I have been told by my IF friends that I should POAS every day until the positive test, but I don't think I can do it. I am terrified to do it! Everytime I see a -, whether it's "too early" or not, I feel so defeated. I just can't do it. I know I could get a + and be so happy, but I can't yet. I am trying to believe that IVF + IVIG is my miracle and I hope it is.
:) Andrea
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
5dp5dt
All right, I survived another day! Really, things haven't changed much. I have:
~Cramps
~Backache
~Burping
~Feel warm, keep adjusting air conditioning
I am feeling like I've gained quite a bit of weight as well. I know that I do gain weight and get bloated with each cycle, but I really feel big today.
I have to take my PIO shots every other day and well, they really hurt! Luckily, we switch sides, but I'm sore every day. Not complaining, just saying.
I may write about how I'm feeling every day, not sure yet. I do know I go back and forth in my mind thinking that it either did or didn't work. I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. I want it to work so bad, but I know there's nothing I can do at this point. Except pray and I've been doing that!
:)Andrea
~Cramps
~Backache
~Burping
~Feel warm, keep adjusting air conditioning
I am feeling like I've gained quite a bit of weight as well. I know that I do gain weight and get bloated with each cycle, but I really feel big today.
I have to take my PIO shots every other day and well, they really hurt! Luckily, we switch sides, but I'm sore every day. Not complaining, just saying.
I may write about how I'm feeling every day, not sure yet. I do know I go back and forth in my mind thinking that it either did or didn't work. I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. I want it to work so bad, but I know there's nothing I can do at this point. Except pray and I've been doing that!
:)Andrea
Monday, August 8, 2011
4dp5dt
Well, I tried to stay postive and I'm still trying, but these cramps are not cool! Cramps make me freak out. I know people say that they have them the whole 2ww and then they get a BFP, but then there are a lot of people who say they don't feel anything and get a BFP. So far, I have...
~Cramps
~Backache (but that could be from the bedrest)
~I feel warmer
~Burping
Okay, I have to go to the doctor and then try to stay very busy today!
:) Andrea
~Cramps
~Backache (but that could be from the bedrest)
~I feel warmer
~Burping
Okay, I have to go to the doctor and then try to stay very busy today!
:) Andrea
Sunday, August 7, 2011
2ww
So I'm now in the 2ww. My IVF transfer was last Thursday. Of course I had a hard time getting my bladder full, (which is funny, because I feel like it's always full!), but luckily, they didn't have to fill it. I didn't even know they could fill it! She said it would hurt though and I didn't want to deal with it.
There was another couple in there who were mad about something and so they talked to my doctor for quite a while, which saved me, thank goodness! It was full enough, not like usual, where I can't wait to pee, but enough.
So then was the question, how many to transfer. I have had such a hard time with this. I just want the best chance for 1 and I don't want to be Octomom, but 2 just isn't good enough with all that I've been through. They retrieved 17 and 16 fertilized, but it's so interesting to see the chart and see what happens to the embryos. On Day 3, they were all still looking really good. On Day 5, when we were there, not so much. I had 7 that looked pretty good. So at first we decided on 3, then I talked with my husband and thought, maybe we should just put back 4. So of course I started crying and we called the doctor over. He said, "What do you want?" I said, "Just the best chance of having 1 baby." So he said, "Then we've got to put back 4."
So I did it. My biggest problem has always been with implantation, so here's where I pray that one snuggles in and gets cozy. I'm hoping the IVIG helps with that. I put myself on 3 days bedrest even though my doctor says it's not necessary. I want to keep everything calm and give them the best chance. I'm feeling good about it even though I've had AF-like cramps already. I'm hoping those are a good sign!
I won't need another IVIG until I get a + pregnancy test. Still working on getting help paying for that.
This is going to be a long 2ww. Hopefully I can keep myself busy and not freak out over everything my body is doing.
:) Andrea
There was another couple in there who were mad about something and so they talked to my doctor for quite a while, which saved me, thank goodness! It was full enough, not like usual, where I can't wait to pee, but enough.
So then was the question, how many to transfer. I have had such a hard time with this. I just want the best chance for 1 and I don't want to be Octomom, but 2 just isn't good enough with all that I've been through. They retrieved 17 and 16 fertilized, but it's so interesting to see the chart and see what happens to the embryos. On Day 3, they were all still looking really good. On Day 5, when we were there, not so much. I had 7 that looked pretty good. So at first we decided on 3, then I talked with my husband and thought, maybe we should just put back 4. So of course I started crying and we called the doctor over. He said, "What do you want?" I said, "Just the best chance of having 1 baby." So he said, "Then we've got to put back 4."
So I did it. My biggest problem has always been with implantation, so here's where I pray that one snuggles in and gets cozy. I'm hoping the IVIG helps with that. I put myself on 3 days bedrest even though my doctor says it's not necessary. I want to keep everything calm and give them the best chance. I'm feeling good about it even though I've had AF-like cramps already. I'm hoping those are a good sign!
I won't need another IVIG until I get a + pregnancy test. Still working on getting help paying for that.
This is going to be a long 2ww. Hopefully I can keep myself busy and not freak out over everything my body is doing.
:) Andrea
Thursday, July 28, 2011
First IVIG ~ DONE!
I had my first IVIG yesterday and let me tell you, I was super nervous. We drove to Chicago on Tuesday evening and stayed the night. My appt. was for 9:00 on Wednesday and the hotel we stayed in this time was less than 5 minutes away, so it was perfect. I didn't sleep well because I was thinking about the IVIG. Would it make me sick, would I have a reaction? (I had a reaction when I had a blood transfusion years ago and it was REALLY bad). They told me when I got there that I might have a headache and that a lot of people do, so I expected that.
I might have had a little headache while I was getting it, but other than that, NOTHING!! I was thrilled. (Of course then later, part of me thought, was it bad that I didn't have any effects? I just need to slap myself!)
I was tired for the rest of the day and I'm tired today, but I'm not sure if that is from the IVIG or the lack of sleep/car ride.
For those wondering what happens during IVIG, it is simple. They take your blood pressure, temp and check your pulse. Then, they hook up the IV, mine went in my hand, and you're good to go. They have really comfy chairs to sit in and they make you drink water, which helps so you don't get a headache. You can eat, read, do whatever you want really while getting the IVIG. They recommended bringing a blanket because it feels kind of cool while going in and many people get cold. (Their office is pretty cold too). I didn't need one, even though I brought it, but others I know have needed it. They also recommend a book or a DVD player, because you are sitting there for 2 hours. I brought magazines, but they have some there in case you don't. The time went by very quickly. Whew! SO happy that it went well.
I went in for an ultrasound afterward and my blood flow is better. It was a .63 last time (they like to see it below .6), so I am taking Lovenox, and now it is at a .5. Yay! She told me that it is important for me to come again after I get pregnant, because at that time, it should be a .45 or lower and they may have to adjust medication. She said if you don't, it's like having a plant and not watering it.
Oh my, I know this is a long post! My doctor decided to continue meds so I have more follicles! Yay! Still not a lot, but about 6. Better! I am feeling good right now. (Well my boobs are SUPER sore and I feel full, but other than that, I feel good.) I think trigger will be tonight and transfer on Saturday, but I might have one more day of stims. I'll find out later.
:) Andrea
I might have had a little headache while I was getting it, but other than that, NOTHING!! I was thrilled. (Of course then later, part of me thought, was it bad that I didn't have any effects? I just need to slap myself!)
I was tired for the rest of the day and I'm tired today, but I'm not sure if that is from the IVIG or the lack of sleep/car ride.
For those wondering what happens during IVIG, it is simple. They take your blood pressure, temp and check your pulse. Then, they hook up the IV, mine went in my hand, and you're good to go. They have really comfy chairs to sit in and they make you drink water, which helps so you don't get a headache. You can eat, read, do whatever you want really while getting the IVIG. They recommended bringing a blanket because it feels kind of cool while going in and many people get cold. (Their office is pretty cold too). I didn't need one, even though I brought it, but others I know have needed it. They also recommend a book or a DVD player, because you are sitting there for 2 hours. I brought magazines, but they have some there in case you don't. The time went by very quickly. Whew! SO happy that it went well.
I went in for an ultrasound afterward and my blood flow is better. It was a .63 last time (they like to see it below .6), so I am taking Lovenox, and now it is at a .5. Yay! She told me that it is important for me to come again after I get pregnant, because at that time, it should be a .45 or lower and they may have to adjust medication. She said if you don't, it's like having a plant and not watering it.
Oh my, I know this is a long post! My doctor decided to continue meds so I have more follicles! Yay! Still not a lot, but about 6. Better! I am feeling good right now. (Well my boobs are SUPER sore and I feel full, but other than that, I feel good.) I think trigger will be tonight and transfer on Saturday, but I might have one more day of stims. I'll find out later.
:) Andrea
Monday, July 25, 2011
Only 3 follicles?
I went in for my ultrasound this morning (Day 7 of stims) and was sad to see that I only have 3 follicles that are a good size. I have one that's 19, two 17s and the rest are 12 or lower. I have never responded like this before! I'm so upset considering that I'm getting IVIG this week for this cycle.
I've been googling IVF with 3 follicles like crazy trying to find success stories.
What if none of them fertilize?
Uhhh! What a day!
:( Andrea
I've been googling IVF with 3 follicles like crazy trying to find success stories.
What if none of them fertilize?
Uhhh! What a day!
:( Andrea
Friday, July 22, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
IVF + IVIG It's go time, finally!
Finally, I started!!!!! We went on vacation last week, hoping to relax a little before this IVF. Yeah, right. I spotted a little early in the week and had really bad cramps. Then I started freaking out because usually if I spot at all, the full flow is coming that day. Since we were in FL and we drove, I thought I might have to fly back! So I worried about it for the rest of the trip and prayed that AF would stay away. It did, luckily, but then when I returned from vacation, it didn't start either. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but I took a test because, well, that always makes it come! It didn't work. Well, it's 3 days later and I finally start. So today is Day 1 of this IVF cycle with IVIG.
I did have a good vacation, but I'm such a worrier. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could just calm down, chill out. How do you do that? I've always been this way. My counselor used to tell me to get a massage. Well, a massage is like $60 and I would have to get one every day! Same with acupuncture. And with the cost of this IVIG, I can't afford ANYTHING!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully will figure out when I can go to Chicago to get the IVIG. We'll see.
:) Andrea
I did have a good vacation, but I'm such a worrier. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could just calm down, chill out. How do you do that? I've always been this way. My counselor used to tell me to get a massage. Well, a massage is like $60 and I would have to get one every day! Same with acupuncture. And with the cost of this IVIG, I can't afford ANYTHING!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully will figure out when I can go to Chicago to get the IVIG. We'll see.
:) Andrea
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Okay, I'm going to do it
I met with my doctor today and for those who said I shouldn't have stuck with him for this long - you're wrong. He is a kind man who will try whatever we want and always tries to help. I told him that we wanted to try IVF and IVIG one time. That's about all we can do. IVF is expensive in itself and each time I get IVIG it will be over $2100. I've gained weight since we last checked, so it's probably closer to $2500. So I have to get IVIG during the conception cycle, once I get a positive pregnancy test and then possibly every 3 weeks after that. I keep thinking/praying about how we're going to pay for it, but I don't have an answer yet. I just know that it's summer and I have some time off. I need to try this now. I am anxious (by nature I think) and so I'm SUPER nervous, but it's now or never.
I'll be 34 in August. Time is ticking away. My doctor looked at me today and said, "So there's NO ONE that could be a surrogate?"
My answer was no. I don't have anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. It's me or no one.
So, he's having his nurse call me tomorrow. He said he'll do everything he can to give me a discounted rate so that I can put any extra money toward the IVIG, which I appreciate.
He also said that he has seen many more cycles with IVIG fail than succeed. He wasn't saying it to be negative, but honest. I appreciate his honesty, but I feel that we have to try it. I will regret it if I don't.
So finally, I asked how many embryos he'd be willing to transfer. He said it's up to us as long as we're aware of the risks. This summer marks our 6th year of trying. We're aware of the risks and quite frankly, I'm not too worried about it. I'm worried about a lot of things, but that is not one of them.
I'm excited, but very anxious. I'm really trying to be positive because I know that's what's best, but it's so hard. If you pray, please say a prayer for me. I could use all of the prayers I can get to help me through this.
:) Andrea
I'll be 34 in August. Time is ticking away. My doctor looked at me today and said, "So there's NO ONE that could be a surrogate?"
My answer was no. I don't have anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. It's me or no one.
So, he's having his nurse call me tomorrow. He said he'll do everything he can to give me a discounted rate so that I can put any extra money toward the IVIG, which I appreciate.
He also said that he has seen many more cycles with IVIG fail than succeed. He wasn't saying it to be negative, but honest. I appreciate his honesty, but I feel that we have to try it. I will regret it if I don't.
So finally, I asked how many embryos he'd be willing to transfer. He said it's up to us as long as we're aware of the risks. This summer marks our 6th year of trying. We're aware of the risks and quite frankly, I'm not too worried about it. I'm worried about a lot of things, but that is not one of them.
I'm excited, but very anxious. I'm really trying to be positive because I know that's what's best, but it's so hard. If you pray, please say a prayer for me. I could use all of the prayers I can get to help me through this.
:) Andrea
Saturday, June 11, 2011
My Journey
That's the car I'm getting. I like to lease so we went looking today and the Journey was the best price. I always get GM cars, so this is a big change, but I like it! Hopefully, this infertility "journey" will be over soon and I can have a baby to put in the back of my new car! It's funny because whenever I get a new car, I get it thinking about our family. I've been driving a "family" type car for 6 years now, but when it happens, I'll be ready. I meet with my doctor in late June to see what's next. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot of your blogs and not getting overly emotional, which is good!
In other news, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary 2 days ago. :) And in other news, I only have 5 days left and then school's out for summer! Woo-hoo!
:) Andrea
In other news, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary 2 days ago. :) And in other news, I only have 5 days left and then school's out for summer! Woo-hoo!
:) Andrea
Blogger keeps signing me out
It won't let me comment on posts. It just signs me out right when I try to go to my page. Weird!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Yay for 3 day Weekends!
It's funny how the kids know when there isn't much time left in the school year and they are just done. Only, they can't be because I have 16 days left and so much to do! So, it is a little crazy in first grade right now! It definitely keeps me busy and not thinking about infertility. Which is nice. I have an appointment in June to talk to my doctor about my latest failed cycle. We'll see what happens. For now, I'm okay and will enjoy this long weekend! :)
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